Are you kind to yourself? Or are you harsh and unforgiving? Learn how to silence your inner critic for a kinder, more compassionate, and more supportive inner dialogue.
Recognizing your inner critic
Our inner critic often appears when we are most vulnerable—when we lose our keys, miss an appointment, look in the mirror, make a mistake, break something, or have an 'eating episode.' These are moments when negative self-talk tends to be most vocal, saying things like 'I'm so stupid,' 'I can't do anything right,' or 'I look awful.' Recognizing these moments as the voice of your inner critic is the first step in transforming how you talk to and think about yourself.
When you become aware of your negative inner voice, you'll start to notice patterns in your thoughts. Pay attention to what your inner critic says and how it makes you feel. This awareness will provide a foundation for shifting toward a more compassionate mindset.
The ABCs of self-compassion
The ABCs of self-compassion is a framework to help you move from self-criticism to self-compassion. It stands for Awareness, Breathe, and Choose.
Awareness - Begin by noticing the negative thought or self-criticism. Simply acknowledge its presence without judgment.
Breathe - Take a moment to connect with the present moment through deep, mindful breathing. This helps to ground you and creates a pause between the negative thought and your reaction.
Choose - Decide to redirect your thought to something more supportive. This could be a kind affirmation or a reminder of your strengths.
Shifting your inner dialogue
One of the most effective ways to shift your inner critic to a more compassionate voice is to treat yourself as you would treat a friend. If a friend were experiencing the same thoughts or difficulties, would you speak to them the way you speak to yourself? Or, more likely, would you support them? What would you say to comfort and validate them?
Now, imagine offering yourself the same kindness and understanding. Instead of harsh criticism, provide gentle encouragement and reassurance. This shift in perspective can help you develop a more supportive and nurturing inner dialogue.
Core elements of self-compassion
Self-Kindness - This means being warm and understanding toward yourself when you feel inadequate, fail, or suffer. Instead of harshly criticizing yourself, offer the same kindness you would give to a friend.
Common Humanity - Recognize that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the human experience. By honoring and accepting your humanness, you realize that you are not alone in your struggles.
Mindfulness - Take a balanced approach to negative emotions and thoughts. Rather than suppressing or exaggerating them, bring a curious and non-judgmental mind to yourself. Ask, 'What am I learning in this moment?'
From negative to neutral: Practical affirmations
Transitioning from negative to positive self-talk can be quite a leap; transitioning to a neutral mindset is often more practical and helpful. Here are some affirmations to consider:
I'm doing the best I can.
I am working on this.
I am trying to figure this out.
I haven't figured this out yet...
I am human.
I am going to be OK.
It is no wonder I ____ because I have always ____. Now I am learning a new way to...
These affirmations can help you reframe your thoughts and create a more patient and understanding inner dialogue.