Do you feel that if you don't do things exactly the right way, then you might as well just give up?
In other words, do you feel like you've failed when you fall short of perfection?
If your answer to either one of these questions was "yes," then you may be a victim of all-or-nothing thinking.
Understanding all-or-nothing-thinking
You may have heard all-or-nothing thinking be referred to as "black-and-white thinking." This type of thinking creates polarizing perceptions of situations; it causes you to perceive things as either "good" or "bad"--no in-between. It creates the perception that, if something isn't an absolute success, then it's a failure. All-or-nothing thinking creates expectations that aren't always realistic, and causes you to be harsh on yourself when you feel like you've failed. It rejects the notion that something is better than nothing.
Why it's problematic
All-or-nothing thinking is problematic and can be a serious hinderance to progress, especially in relation to diet and exercise. Individuals tend to think that perfectionism in their health and wellness journeys is the quickest, or only, way to achieve results. They may set strict rules for themselves; and any deviation, no matter how small, is perceived as failure. This can be frustrating and cause feelings of guilt and shame, which are notorious motivation-killers. In other words, they may feel tempted to give up altogether. They feel that, since they failed, there's no sense in continuing. The rigidity of all-or-nothing thinking is a huge obstacle to the sustainability of a weight loss journey.
What it looks like
A victim of all-or-nothing thinking may give up entirely when faced with setbacks, even ones that would seem relatively insignificant to most people. For example: having one high-calorie meal makes you feel like you've ruined your healthy eating habits entirely, so you might as well eat whatever you want from here on out. It may also manifest as the belief that there's no point in working out at all if you can't get in a full 45-minute workout.
How to work through it
1. Self-compassion
Understand that your goal is to do better than you've done before; not to do things perfectly every time. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to another person. If someone else missed a workout, would you perceive them as a failure? Probably not. So, why feel that way about yourself? Remind yourself in the face of every setback that they can't be avoided, and your progress is not defined by them.
2. Set SMART goals
Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. Instead of setting extreme goals that involve far-away outcomes, set small, achievable goals instead. These will be the ones to boost your motivation and feelings of accomplishment. Long-term improvements aren't accomplished without the baby steps first.
3. Challenge polarizing thoughts
When you catch yourself falling into all-or-nothing thinking, try your best to check back into reality. Assess whether or not your perception is truly accurate--for example, is it really a good idea to abandon your workout routine if you can't do it exactly the way you planned? Is it better to not workout at all than to do a shorter workout?
4. Normalize flexibility
Be flexible in your weight loss journey. Flexibility is necessary to sustain it. Realize that the occasional unwise choices are normal and can be overcome without derailment. Simply put, it's OK to sweep them under the rug and continue on as normal.
5. Celebrate successes
Acknowledge every accomplishment, regardless of size or significance. The accumulation of these small accomplishments is what defines your progress. Think of them as coins or dollars being deposited into your bank account; over time, they add up to an amount much greater.
6. Reach out for support
Your loved ones would probably shocked if they truly knew how harshly you judge yourself, because they don't perceive you that way. If you feel as though you have failed and deserve punishment, reach out to someone who will celebrate you and your efforts. If you're struggling to think of someone close to you who can do this, you should consider joining a community of individuals who are on similar journeys. Communities are rich resources for empathy, compassion, support, encouragement, and friendship.
Key Takeaways
All-or-nothing thinking organizes your perception of situations into two broad categories: "successes" or "failures." There is no "better" in all-or-nothing thinking. It encourages you to give up if you fall even slightly short of your own expectations or goals. It's extremely damaging to progress, motivation, and self-esteem. You may have heard the phrase, "Anything worth doing is worth doing well," but the opposite can also be true: anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. That's to say, on your weight loss journey, it's better to do something incompletely than to do nothing at all. It IS better to do a short workout than to do no workout. To gain a better understanding, apply this notion to areas outside of health and wellness: if your kitchen sink is full of dishes, and you don't have the time, energy, or motivation to wash them all, it's better to wash some of them than none of them. Grounding yourself, rationalizing your thoughts, and being kind to yourself can help pull you out of all-or-nothing thinking.
